its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
