i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
