Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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