I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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