doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
