Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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