Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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