Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize