She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
