chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
