He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
