Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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