I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
