We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
