He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
