I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
