I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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