Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
