dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's the barista slut.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
