Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
