We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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