Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
