She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
