I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
