Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
