I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
