My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
