So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
