What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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