Having a random hookup so left but love u
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
