I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
