he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
