I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
