Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
