My nipple is on Facebook.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
