oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think my moral compass just broke
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
