so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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