Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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