No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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