what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
