Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
