I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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