I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
