You're earring is so big in my mouth
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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