The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
