I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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