I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
