just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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