did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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