I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
