From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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