I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
