Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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