Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
