drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
