My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
