Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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