Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
