they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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