oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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