maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
where am i from again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
