goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
