I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
