I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
