Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
