I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
