I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They took my balls.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Congratulations! We have a period
jump out the window naked night went bad
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