Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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