so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize