dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize