i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
