There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
