return my video game
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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