Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize