Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found the puke drawer
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
