my mouth tastes like poor choices
I skipped work to stalk him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize