You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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