I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pants are for mortals
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
