I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
