You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
