I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize