The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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