I must be too annoying 4 u.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
