she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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