I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
