Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
