Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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