last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
