He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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