This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
