No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
