just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
