In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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