I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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