ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
