Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
40s are totally the cure
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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