Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
