Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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