I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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