I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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