Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
