that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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