Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
