Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
