when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize