she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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