I bet he comes in French.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
